Call the Fashion Police
|Image: All Rights Reserved|
|New York : Henry Holt|
Yes, friends, this year is just as lame as the last, and shocking as it sounds, my peers have somehow managed to get even more annoying over the summer.
Exhibit A: Lisa Catchum, my downstairs locker neighbour. Now, personally, I have nothing against Lisa. That is, until her fashion choices start interfering with my pursuit of happiness, which they are in a major way. You see, Lisa is a die-hard devotee of Britney-cut jeans, and every time she bends over to get her books, I am assaulted with a major thong-a-palooza (made of gold glitter, no less—which just proves the display of ass flesh está no accidente).
As the day wears on, I find myself muscled out of locker access by desperate boys who jam the hallway in hopes of sneaking a peak. And Lisa doesn’t disappoint. Every hour on the hour, the gold butt-floss comes out to say hello. (Goodbye!!!!)
“What is this, Groundhog Day?” Pash asks. “The bell can’t ring unless Lisa’s shown us her thong?”
“Apparently,” I say, shoving past the horny onlookers.
The hourly assault on our visual senses is so disgusting that Pash and I have no choice but to spend lunch hour drafting an anonymous letter addressing the Lisa Catchum ass-flashing issue.
It has come to our attention that every time you use your locker, your backside is on complete display. Perhaps you’re unaware of this, perhaps you think that the breeze you feel from bending over is the rush of the crowd passing by, or perhaps you are training to be a porn star.
Whatever your reason, it is most definitely wrong. Being forced to look at your pint-sized underwear is a distraction, and not a good one. Just because you want to flash your thong to the world doesn’t mean the world wants to see it.
So, please, Lisa, for the sake of all humanity, kindly shove your ass and your Band-Aid-size panties back into your too-tight jeans, and we won’t be forced to vomit on you.
People for Ethical Treatment of Thongs
Extract from the book Derby Girl
by Shauna Cross
All Rights Reserved.
New York: Henry Holt, 2007.
Call Number: Y English CRO
Extract contributed by January Yeo
Title: Carter Finally Gets It
By Brent Crawford
Call Number: Y English CRA
Title: How Not to be Popular
By Jennifer Ziegler
Call Number: Y English ZIE
Title: The Karma Club
By Jessica Brody
Call Number: Y English BRO
There can be a fine line between personal expression and dressing in bad taste. How do you differentiate the two?