Loss of a Dream
 |
| Image: All Rights Reserved, |
| Elizabeth, NJ ; Seoul, Korea : Hollym |
| c2004 |
“Darling, I got a job.”
“Doing what?”
“Guess.”
“The same publishing company you used to work for?”
“No. You really can’t go back to a place once your heart has left it. For me, that place has been buried once and for all.”
What is it, then?”
“Guess again.”
“The company where your brother works?”
“You’re getting colder.”
“Come on, just tell me please.”
“Right here, at the gym in front of our building. I start work tomorrow.”
“A gymnasium? As what?”
“As a menial laborer. You’ve seen them, haven’t you? You know, those men in uniform who cut the grass, trim the trees and clean the tennis courts.”
He is all smiles. His smile is as innocent looking as the expression of an animal. It’s true; he no longers wants to be the man he used to be. The total purity of some animal is now residing in him. It is the animal that is smiling now.
“What about your writing?” I ask, avoiding his eyes.
“I can’t write any more. I don’t enjoy it.”
How he reached this conclusion is something I’ll never be able to figure out. Nor will I ever understand it. All I know for sure is that from tomorrow he’ll be going to work as a day laborer at the gym.
Restlessly, I hover about the kitchen for a while, then go into the main room, gather up all the clothes, and dump them in the washing machine. Tears stream down my face as I do the laundry. I don’t care if everything else slips through my fingers, I can’t bear losing the pride of being a writer’s wife. The hope that my husband could accomplish the dream I had cherished myself from the earliest days—that hope had always been enough for me.
Now I have become the wife of a non-entity. My pride cannot reconcile itself to falling so far back.
Extract from the book A Walk in the Mountains
By So Young-en
All Rights Reserved.
Elizabeth, NJ ; Seoul, Korea : Hollym, 2004.
Call No.: English Other SO
Extract contributed by Yock Hwee Fang, Associate Librarian
Recommended Reads
Available at NLB
Title: Kafka on the Shore
By Haruki Murakami
Call Number: English MUR
Title: Real World
By Natsuo Kirino
Call Number: English KIR
Title: Grotesque
By Natsuo Kirino
Call Number: English KIR-[TH]
Have you given up on pursuing your dreams at some point or another? Were there instances when you felt what you thought you loved doing was not what you wanted? How have your giving up to pursue your dreams affected others who believed that you could do it?
April 21st, 2012 at 4:26 pm
For me, I could not really decide what I really wanted. My dreams and ideals change over time and tt may be partly because at certain points in time, I realised that I do not have the ability to do that or it is not what I wanted.
It is just not about holding on to your dream, when you know it is not possible to achieve it (for some reason or another). Instead of lamenting that you can’t do what you love, why do start loving when you are doing at the moment. Perhaps we may be doing better than what we initially wanted to do.
As long as I enjoy what I am doing, I am not bothered by other people’s opinions. For those who are really close to me, they would understand.
June 22nd, 2012 at 8:32 pm
I LOVE reading. As a sort of by-product, I also like writing. That is why since young, I have cherished the dream of me becoming an author (because it’s kind of hard to find a “professional reader” job, huh). But these days, that dream is getting more and more difficult to sustain. Doubts are starting to creep up, and suddenly, they’re overwhelming: Can I be successful in Singapore, where there is limited readership? I mean, I myself don’t even read that many local authors! And furthermore, do I write that well? I’m certainly not always the top scorer for essays.. What if I lack sophistication in my writing? What if…what if.. what about.. You get the drift. When such doubts occur, your whole dream can come crashing down.
If there are people who believe in your dream, and in you, and you give up your dream, they can only feel disappointed, and doubtful of themselves with the mindset: If he/she thinks he/she can’t do it, then who am I to think I can? That’s why with another friend who also wants to be an author and who admires my linguistic “skills”, I am careful with what I say about my own dream.
July 3rd, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Maybe to others I have chosen to give up pursuing my dream, but to me, it is still a brightly lighted spark in my heart. A dream is a passion in life that cannot be given up easily, because even if you had tried to avoid it, your heart will lead you towards it. Furthermore, one says that a person will surely succeed in pursuing his dreams because of one word- Passion.
However, I chose to “give up” on my dream not because I lost passion but because of the pragmatism of the society. Despite some people saying how we should always go for the things we want to do, in reality, we always lack the support and encouragement from people to pursue our own dreams. The many successful scientists in the world had never received much encouragement from people and in fact whose ideas were put down by people. However, they did not give up and in the end they only proved themselves to the world, leaving behind their traces in the many generations to come.
I have never thought that what I loved doing was not what I wanted, and I will never think so. At one point of time, it was so extreme that I was even willing to give up my studies just to pursue it. However, that never gained any support from my family and I was thus stopped. Often the jobs of our passion are tough jobs, with little money earned. Thus for the sake of our loved ones, we take on the pragmatic route. I have also envied how some people could go all out just to pursue their dreams despite the many objections. While for the sake of my family, I can never do so. Yet, in me, it is a dream I have never given up on. Maybe, I will find an alternative route, but I know that one day I will achieve it, at least before the end of this era, because it’s now a fire burning in my heart.
August 10th, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I believe that everyone’s dream will change over time. To overcome the obstacles and realize one’s dream, one must have passion and perseverance in one’s heart. The process of pursuing a dream is hard, as we will always have many uncertainties, questioning ourselves whether we have chosen the correct way. For me, I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young. I felt that being a lawyer was very cool because lawyers can help people, they are respected and they earn a lot. However, I found that law was a very difficult subject and I must overcome many difficulties before I can become a lawyer. Also, I was not good at speaking and debating, and I hated delivering speeches in front of the public. I knew that I would not be brave enough to argue with other lawyers in the court and so I stopped dreaming of becoming a lawyer. On the other hand, I used to love drawing and designing as well. I had dreamt of becoming a designer in the future and let everyone know my brand and wear my clothes. But soon I found that I was actually not a creative person. I could not stand spending a whole day in front of my desk and keep drawing and drawing. This would definitely drive me crazy. Thus I gave up as well. When I was six, I was very interested in playing the violin as my two sisters were learning it at that time. I urged my father to buy me one violin and teach me. Therefore, I started to learn violin under my father’s guidance. Finally, I know what my strength is and I believe that playing violin is what I really want to do. My family members support my dream and they are really glad that I am trying hard to achieve success. I know that I will keep this passion towards music and I will not disappoint my parents.
August 20th, 2012 at 11:45 am
Science tells us that we cannot fly; that we cannot dive beyond a certain depth for the pressure would crush us; that we cannot walk through walls, etc. In today’s world, our dreams are killed by the limits placed on us, by ourselves, really.
Everything in the universe is now reduced to equations. Even our Earth, our very existence the fact that our Earth can support life, has been put down to a coincidence, an accident. All these, which humans term as “Science”, are the limits we have placed on ourselves.
Before things became so factual, so set-in-stone, people were unafraid to dream. They saw birds flying, and thought to do the same. They saw the moon, so high up beyond our reach, and they thought to achieve it. Anything was possible. But now, everything needs proof. Proof that we are unable to get with the knowledge we possess.
Because of this, we are brought up having the mindset of being practical in what we do; that whatever we do must be useful in some way. They are discouraged from dreaming, “Oh, i want to be a scientist when i grow up, and i’m going to create something that can save the world…”. Most people end up doing things they are not really interested in, because in today’s society, that’s where our bread and butter comes from.
August 20th, 2012 at 10:00 pm
Passion is the source of dreams. As the society becomes more pragmatic, unfortunately, passion sometimes become nothing but impractical dreams. And that is when we know what we love to do but we also know that it wil not work out. When I was in primary school, I told myself, “I want to be a policewoman”; but it never did work out as it will not be the desired source of my bread and butter, further considering my parents. Then I started to enjoy art and said, “I want to be an interior designer”; but again will I have prospects given my abilities? I am defintely not talented in art and design and it probably would not be the wisest choice.
I think that many of us will feel controlled and restrained by the pragmatic world and admire those who can give up the obsession over survival and wealth for their passion. However, if we keep restricting ourselves from pursuing our dreams and make ‘pragmatism’ the excuse, then I think that that dream is not a true, burning passion. I would choose to believe that a true and strong dream will be able to continue driving us towards it, and eventually push us on to find our ways out of the problems we might face with those pragmatic problems we always worry about. No doubt, there will be times when we give up pursusing a dream but there is no wrong or no harm done as these just prove to us that we have not found the right and true dream to work hard towards. Hence, I think that we should just try to keep dreaming if we really want to pursue and achieve a dream – not empty ones with no hard work done, but finding the passion over and over again even if it takes a long time until one proves to be the correct road.
March 27th, 2013 at 6:59 am
Good Book. Thanks for the website!