Loss of a Dream
|Image: All Rights Reserved,|
|Elizabeth, NJ ; Seoul, Korea : Hollym|
“Darling, I got a job.”
“The same publishing company you used to work for?”
“No. You really can’t go back to a place once your heart has left it. For me, that place has been buried once and for all.”
What is it, then?”
“The company where your brother works?”
“You’re getting colder.”
“Come on, just tell me please.”
“Right here, at the gym in front of our building. I start work tomorrow.”
“A gymnasium? As what?”
“As a menial laborer. You’ve seen them, haven’t you? You know, those men in uniform who cut the grass, trim the trees and clean the tennis courts.”
He is all smiles. His smile is as innocent looking as the expression of an animal. It’s true; he no longers wants to be the man he used to be. The total purity of some animal is now residing in him. It is the animal that is smiling now.
“What about your writing?” I ask, avoiding his eyes.
“I can’t write any more. I don’t enjoy it.”
How he reached this conclusion is something I’ll never be able to figure out. Nor will I ever understand it. All I know for sure is that from tomorrow he’ll be going to work as a day laborer at the gym.
Restlessly, I hover about the kitchen for a while, then go into the main room, gather up all the clothes, and dump them in the washing machine. Tears stream down my face as I do the laundry. I don’t care if everything else slips through my fingers, I can’t bear losing the pride of being a writer’s wife. The hope that my husband could accomplish the dream I had cherished myself from the earliest days—that hope had always been enough for me.
Now I have become the wife of a non-entity. My pride cannot reconcile itself to falling so far back.
Extract from the book A Walk in the Mountains
By So Young-en
All Rights Reserved.
Elizabeth, NJ ; Seoul, Korea : Hollym, 2004.
Call No.: English Other SO
Extract contributed by Yock Hwee Fang, Associate Librarian
Available at NLB
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Call Number: English KIR
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Call Number: English KIR-[TH]
Have you given up on pursuing your dreams at some point or another? Were there instances when you felt what you thought you loved doing was not what you wanted? How have your giving up to pursue your dreams affected others who believed that you could do it?